You gave me flowers but made me bleed inside.
I thought I can take it. I can continuously pretend that I was not hurting. i thought I can survive talking to you everyday without expectation. But I was wrong. Every time I see a cryptic message from you it made me sad inside. I know it was your past you’re talking about. I lost even before the game has started. I never had the chance.
Dear Aussie guy, I love you. But I do love myself too. I may miss the feeling being with someone, but I want my love to be given in return too without holding back to their past and without hesitations. If I can’t have it, why continue?
Thank you for the flowers but this girl needs more than that. I think we were just meant to reconnect. Life reconnected us for a reason. I think mine was to continue believing. To believe in myself that I can still love and share it with someone else. My journey is not yet done. Maybe it’s not in Australia. I will find it even if it means conquering different continents.
You messaged me while you were in lunch the other day. You said you were studying your Japanese lessons. I told you I was doing the same. Even showed you my book. You said there was an Indian guy pestering you. Talking shit about Japan. I told you to tell him to “fuck off and eat curry”. You laughed. I miss hearing you laugh. You see, even if we are very far, we can make each other laugh. We even do the same things without knowing it. What are the odds?
Today, you said you will watch Ghost in the Shell movie with the gang. I wish I was there to see it with you. I cannot remember the times I went to see a movie alone. Sometimes I daydream that I was still there and doing daily chores with you or sharing a donburi bowl again with you or the flower gelato from I creamy or a bottle of bundie.
I really think I left half of my heart in Sydney. Please return to owner when you found it. I miss you a lot.